Yes, It is nearly springtime in the Northern Hemisphere.
The little critters are being hatched and born. The trees are coming to life. The flowers are blooming on the roadside. And Certified and properly Licensed (in the Great State of Texas) Zombie Hunter Nathan Greene (played by actor Elvis Quintero) is at this very moment sitting at home in his den cleaning and oiling his tools of the trade. He had already checked the condition of his favorite SPAS 12. He’s oiled up his H&K 91. His .357 Magnum is all nice and shiny. You know what this means?
Well, it means that with the advent of spring in Texas along come those pesky damned zombies. They’re thawing out as we sit here twiddling our thumbs. I’m safe. I’m in Florida. However, if it wasn’t for dedicated souls like Nathan over in Texas, that plague they’re dealing with could easily spill over into the other Gulf Coast States. Then where would we be, I ask you. Never underestimate the importance of local properly trained and licensed zombie hunters like Nathan.
There is something of prime importance that we need to talk about here today, though. In order for Nathan to carry on his work in Texas he needs some help from all of us. You see, the Zombie Hunter video series plays an important role in assisting local zombie hunters like Nathan to do what they do best… and by extension, protect our lazy asses. Would you really want have to go out there and risk your life to put down a zombie uprising in your neighborhood. C’mon! You can’t even get your fat ass off the couch to take out the garbage like your wife (or mom) asked you to do two days ago. Plus, you aren’t trained in the use of the firepower that these professionals use on a daily basis.
So, what can you actually do to help Nathan and his colleagues in the zombie hunting business? I’m glad you asked me that. Here’s what you can do. Run right over the Jesse Dedman’s blog and read all you can find on the topic of the Zombie Hunter. Watch a couple of the sample videos from Season 1 so you can see for yourself the importance of this. After you’ve done that, go directly to THIS site and give a generous donation to Jesse so that he can buy the equipment needed to continue filming these critically important docu-tutorials on Nathan Greene’s selfless and high risk activities while protecting your neighborhood from this menace.
It’ll be money well-spent, I assure you. Plus, Jesse is offering some pretty cool stuff as a thank you for any help received. Look, just sell your Magnum and give a couple bucks to Jesse. You don’t need that damned big gun anyway. I bet you haven’t shot the thing in years. You wouldn’t want mama to be having to deal with one of these guys the next time she goes out to hang your formerly skid-marked boxers on the line to dry, now would ya’?
I didn’t think so.
Image credits: Nathan Greene, Zombie Hunter – property of Jesse Dedman, Dedman Productions
Little animated zombie courtesy of AnimateIt.net
Other images – public domain